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Project Panzerkin

by on November 9, 2012

Its official: I have fried my birdie-brain.

I can’t stop imagining the scene:

I queue bear, a pair of DKs or a DK and a Prot Pally in tow. We enter a dungeon. Poof! I’m a Moonkin.

One of my guildmates says, “Oi. Yeah, the Space Chicken is tanking this one.”

I hand a stack of mana potions to the healer. “Here ya go, buddy. You’re gonna need these. Don’t attack ‘til ya see the pop o’my ‘shrooms, boys!”

Hilarity ensues.

Now I know I’ve made my position clear on monster crotch, but, to paraphrase Carlin in Jay and Silent Bob, I’ll take a shot in the mouth if it means being the most absurd hybrid-toon I can think of. I am also aware that there was a bit of vanilla role-play in the comment that sparked my new obsession, but I think homie in the video above says it all.

I am, as the five people likely to read this either already know or are figuring out quickly, quixotically anti-system. Any system. I even hate numbers. I loathe numbers. So don’t expect any fancy algorithms or calcula-what-have-yous. Only blunt-force trial and error, and the bliss of one crazy chicken living a dream. I will make this do.

Stay tuned! I will share my wild ideas about how a Panzerkin might be achieved. I will share my joys and my failures in executing: SPACE CHICKEN TANKING.

Feel free to abuse me, correct my errors, share your own theories, and generally spew vitriolic troll spooge all over my madness.


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  1. I fully support the concept panzerkin tanking. Some issues around it worry me a bit. The lack of crit suppression stands out as a severe restriction, as does the lack of a threat multiplier. The latter could be solved by just out deepsing the rest o’ us muthas.

    This should be quite a ride.

  2. gougey permalink

    I feel like the lack of a threat multiplier is the big issue. I mean, you can gear in survivability to some extent, but if he has to do 5 times our deeps to keep threat, it’ll feel like we’re just tank swapping every fight. What I mean to say is I’m lazy and this sounds like moar werk. Also, you’re ugly… am I doing this troll spooge thing right?

    • You’re no Pyro.

    • Shut up. Nah, I’m kidding scro. Keep up the good work.

    • Wouldn’t he only have to do 101% of our damage to hold threat?

      Actually to be overly specific, as long as he hit all of the mobs first he would only have to maintain 101% of 110% of our damage…… so, yeah.

      • gougey permalink

        Right. Thinking of pulling agro off of an actual tank.

      • He’d need to do 5x is if he grouped with a DPS DK who was in Blood spec/presence.

      • gougey permalink

        Yeah but no one does that, right? That would be like a ret pally leaving righteous fury on. That’s preposterous!!

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